1. The V and P words. As you might have read already, my daughter was taught that her vagina was a vagina, not a "hoo-hoo," "flower," or "va-jay-jay." We tried to curb this by creating nicknames for her, but before I could inform her Mimi, Kaylie came home telling me that boys have a penis, not a vagina. OH NO!! Apparently, one of Mimi's doggies got excited and Kaylie started asking questions. ICK.
2. "I'm gonna beat the snot out of you!" Let me start by saying, our daughter is spoiled. She gets whatever she wants by sweet talking everyone and pretty much runs the house. We do not beat her. We do, however, joke around about beating her. It might even come across as a threat if you didn't hear her uncontrollable laughter while being threatened, "KAYLIE DAWN! Stop stepping on my feet or I'm going to beat the snot out of you!" This phrase has taken on a life of its own by all of us just filling in the blank. I’m going to beat the poop, laugh, farts, Wednesday, Halloween, etc. This kind of play is fine and dandy until you're at the doctor's office with your snotty kids and your husband is misbehaving with your three year old in the exam room. I repeatedly told them both to sit down, so the three year old yells at Daddy, "YOU BETTER SIT DOWN OR I'M GONNA BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF YOU!" She was laughing, so Child Protective Services didn't show up at our door.
3. Face Licking. This actually started with my husband and me playing around. It usually starts with a kiss, and then he sneaks in a lick to my face. That signals war. We fight and giggle while we try to hold each other’s arms so we can lick each other’s face. It gets to the point that he'll hold me down on the couch and lick my entire face and then blow the slobber dry to make my face sticky. I can usually stand my ground until I'm laughing so hard that he wins and my ears and entire face are wet and sticky and my face smells like his last cigarette. The only time I can ever win is when he's had a few too many beers and my quickness wins over his wobbliness. When Kaylie was old enough, I was forced to draft her so she’d help me battle my husband. I just promoted her to Private First Class in my licking brigade, but she too has a problem giggling in battle.
4. Squatting to pee outside. This one is completely my in-laws fault. When I went to my daughter's room to check on her, I saw my beautiful three year old princess pull her pants down and squat behind her ottoman. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Why are you trying to pee on the floor? Her answer? "Mimi lets me pee on the floor." WHAT!? Apparently, Kaylie was told to just squat and pee outside in the grass while she was in the pool to avoid getting water on Mimi's floor. That's all fine and dandy out in the country, until I hear from Kaylie’s Great Grandmother, "Well, that explains why she got out of the pool at the apartment complex and squatted to pee on the concrete in front of everybody." WHAT!? Mimi decided she would dry her off well and take her inside to potty from then on.
5. Announcing bodily functions. My husband and I take full blame for this one. I thought it was cute and funny trying to get my baby to giggle and laugh at farts and poopies. Anything for a laugh. At first it was cute, someone would fart and she would toddle off to her bookcase, grab a scratch and sniff book, then return to freshen the situation, "Here mommy, smell this. It will help." Cute, right? Now, I constantly hear, "I farted." at the dinner table. At least I am always up to date with the condition of the bathroom, "Ewe! Mom, daddy stinked up the whole bathroom!" I can't even take a relaxing shower in our one bathroom without her coming in and telling me that she has to poop and she's going to stink up the bathroom. Gee thanks. Now, instead of providing us with a nice scratch and sniff lemon, she announces and then waves her farts at us. I'm afraid of what my three month old baby boy is going to offend us with. I guess that will be my fault also since I already have him laughing when he poops and I call him stinky. Poor guy probably thinks that's his name.
I also have to add that as I was finishing this blog, my husband was explaining to my daughter how old the chair I'm sitting in is and that he farted on it a lot. Gee thanks. At least we are having fun.
I want to hear from you. Does your family joke around like mine?
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